Boys will be Boys...

“Oh, he’s just being a boy…” I think every guy has been talked about like this at some point in his life and I am no exception. My fear is that this can become an excuse. At a certain age this is a “cute” saying. (I’m a male so I can only use cute if I put it in quotations) An appropriate use of this phrase is in a middle school classroom and a thirteen year old burps during a lecture, this is far different from a collegiate professor saying, “My fiancé has a picture of a girl on a motorcycle in his garage, he’s just a guy and that’s what they do.” No lie, that happened in one of my classes last year and I was deeply troubled. The acceptance of this “boys will be boys” philosophy leads to two very sad consequences. First…

Low Standards: Allowing this mentality leads to having very low standards for what quality men look and act like. Being content with guys who “look but don’t touch” other women leads to an overall downgrade in the expectation of men.

Allows guys to “get away with things”: There is a slippery slope when we live under this paradigm. Boys tend to toe the line and see what they can “get away with” and one thing leads to another when the bar is set low.

These are just two things that cause the lowering of expectations of manhood in our society and there are two pieces of advice I would give to people…

Girls: Keep the bar set high for guys, don’t become content with mediocrity. There are quality men out there do not be afraid to wait a few years for one of them. A good standard for measurement would be “Would I like my son to turn out like him?” (More on this in a later post… The List) This is a good standard because your son is going too. Also, don’t get caught in the fantasy of “I can change him,” if a guy isn’t what you want to marry now then don’t think he will suddenly become it.

Boys: Set the bar high for yourselves. Don’t be content with the mediocrity that surrounds you whether in your life or in the media. Be willing to act like a man even when it might be awkward and more than anything, be the man you would want your son to be.

If not me...

I haven't told very many people this, but I want to work in the inner-city with a high poverty school. I never mention it, and only tell people if the expressly ask. I'm certainly not ashamed, it just seems like one of those things that it doesn’t matter if they know or not. Part of my hesitation to tell people stems from a surprising number of people who are against it. They seem to be under the impression that absolutely no good can come from it and that only terrible things will happen. Honestly, I have no idea what will happen when I go, I understand that it will be difficult and that it may not go well but that’s not a reason to prevent me from going. At some point in their explanation people seem to think that they have changed my mind and that I will be more “sensible,” but I remain firm on my stand because no one has ever given me a good answer to the question, “if not me, then who?” I know that sounds like a bumper sticker but I really think that. I have visited these schools and I have seen the hurt and the despair and I really have no idea what I can do but I certainly know that I can’t go to a happy suburban school when there are schools with a greater need somewhere else.

            This is far from bravery and certainly isn’t naïveté, my desire stems from a discontentment that I have when I see these schools and students hurting without anything to look forward to. I also know that there is a self-sacrifice aspect to this, I know that I will be living around poverty (with a teacher’s salary, I won’t be far from it myself) and seeing things my sheltered, middle-class eyes have never seen. There is another cost that I rarely mention; in fact I make jokes about it more than anything. That is the fact that I can’t get married yet. The places I want to go are hard enough to live in when you have the desire and drive to be there. It would be unbearable for a person who just went to follow her husband. I was looking at a school once and was looking up apartment prices for the place I wanted to live and the first thing that popped up was an article about two murders that had happened there the Christmas before. It’s fine for me to live there but that is not a place I could take a wife and certainly not a place I could ask a father to allow me take his daughter to. That really stinks because I do want to be married I just can’t right now.

I know it’s going to be hard, but I’m at the point where I have to go and try because I can’t bare the thought of waking up twenty years from now and wondering if I could have done more.

In-Laws

What's your first reaction when you hear the word "in-laws?" It seems as if most people see having to spend time with their spouse's parents as a hassle or an inconvenience, and this stereotype is certainly portrayed in nearly every TV show/movie produced these days. The common type's being that the wife's father can't stand the husband, and the husband's mother is disapproving of the wife, and this causes the couple to make distinct efforts to avoid spending time with the parent's. Which I think is a real shame.

I will preface my thoughts on this mindset by saying I am not married so I do not have any in-laws and perhaps my perception of in-laws will change when I am married but right now I think that is a terrible  attitude to have. The girl I marry is going to be wonderful and amazing and we could very possibly end up having a daughter and if this happens I would have no idea how to raise a daughter (I wouldn't know how to raise a son either but that's not the focus right now) and I would like to think that the first person I would turn to for help is the person that raised the wonderful and amazing woman that became my wife. I would be foolish not to learn from him and to be comfortable coming to him with concerns or ideas I would need a solid relationship with him first. If I can't sit in the room with the man and talk about basketball how can I call him at night and tell him my daughter had a nightmare and then ask him, how can I make her feel safe again? There has to be a foundation to build from so we could get to bigger things.

I understand that some women have issues with their parents that may have caused some strain on their relationship which would make it difficult for him and myself to have a relationship but I would still like to make an effort. I know there have to be boundaries but I want to be close to my father-in-law because I would want my son-in-law to be close to me.

Your in-laws are an example, sometimes they are examples of things to do and sometimes examples of things not to do, either way they are a learning opportunity, so don't waste it.

The Start of a Journey

"Really?" At least that's the usual response I get when people find out that I am an elementary education major. They don't seem to expect anything specific they just aren't expecting that. I have found that there are two general responses that people have after this point. They either say something like "aww, that's cool" or they will get this look and ask "you want to be a teacher?" (Thinking maybe I just wasn't sure what elementary education meant) After the latter response they pause and think and I stand there and wait, because about 75% of the time they decide they need to give me some advice about my career choice. They will mention something about how much I'm going to have to "deal with children", every time expecting me to drop my chin and say "wow, I hadn't considered that." Or even better, they'll say, always with a chuckle, "you're going to be sooo poor!" I usually give a little half laugh back while thinking 'yeah, people with full time jobs and advanced degrees being unable to provide for their families,' that is funny.

I've wanted to be an elementary teacher since I was sophomore in high school, and in the beginning comments like this bothered me a little bit but I've always had a job with kids so after a comment I would go to work and remind myself why I decided to do this in the first place. Now I've heard it so many times they just roll off my back and I move on with my day, because I want to be a teacher, I look forward to a year from now (Lord willing) setting up my own classroom and looking over a class roster. I just can't wait! So don't come up to me thinking you need to explain my career choice and tell my about how school life is difficult because, contrary to VERY popular belief, I have given this quite a bit of thought and do in fact know what I'm doing.

*I apologize if this came off as hateful I meant for it to be more of my observations of people's reaction to my career because I don't mind telling people that I'm a teacher, actually I'm quite proud of it. I just don't appreciate it being critiqued so consistently.

The beginning...

Preface: I don't know grammar, I don't know commas, I don't really know run on sentences  and I certainly don't know semi-colons. So there are grammatical mistakes in this, I understand this and it doesn't bother me. I made it through three years of college without knowing it so I do fine without it. Also I write while I'm talking to myself so I don't really do "academic language" so most of this will be like it was just a casual conversation. I would even go so far as make this a vlog so as to avoid punctuation but I don't like the way my voice sounds so I deal with the poor grammar.

Introduction: I'm not sure what I am going to accomplish with this blog. I'm kind of just jumping on a bandwagon that is led by a few people at work but there are a few things that I would like to say and get out in the open. I'm going to focus on education and my thoughts, feelings, and experiences there but I do have thoughts in other areas of life and I'm certainly not about to start several blogs to accommodate these topic changes so there will just be some intertwining of subjects. One in particular that I want to change but will do more venting than anything is man/father hood and some implications there. I'm sure there will be others that just pop in but those are what I can think of now that I will dub worthy to mention here. I don't have any schedule for this so things will just appear as they appear so buckle up, Jack!