“Oh, he’s just being a
boy…” I think every guy has been talked about like this at some point in
his life and I am no exception. My fear is that this can become an excuse. At a certain age this is a “cute”
saying. (I’m a male so I can only use cute if I put it in quotations) An
appropriate use of this phrase is in a middle school classroom and a thirteen
year old burps during a lecture, this is far different from a collegiate
professor saying, “My fiancé has a picture of a girl on a motorcycle in his
garage, he’s just a guy and that’s what they do.” No lie, that happened in one
of my classes last year and I was deeply troubled. The acceptance of this “boys
will be boys” philosophy leads to two very sad consequences. First…
Low Standards: Allowing
this mentality leads to having very low standards for what quality men look and
act like. Being content with guys who “look but don’t touch” other women leads
to an overall downgrade in the expectation of men.
Allows guys to “get
away with things”: There is a slippery slope when we live under this
paradigm. Boys tend to toe the line and see what they can “get away with” and
one thing leads to another when the bar is set low.
These are just two things that cause the lowering of
expectations of manhood in our society and there are two pieces of advice I would
give to people…
Girls: Keep the
bar set high for guys, don’t become content with mediocrity. There are quality
men out there do not be afraid to wait a few years for one of them. A good
standard for measurement would be “Would I like my son to turn out like him?” (More
on this in a later post… The List) This
is a good standard because your son is going too. Also, don’t get caught in the
fantasy of “I can change him,” if a guy isn’t what you want to marry now then
don’t think he will suddenly become it.
Boys: Set the bar
high for yourselves. Don’t be content with the mediocrity that surrounds you
whether in your life or in the media. Be willing to act like a man even when it
might be awkward and more than anything, be the man you would want your son to
be.
